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I have several things crowding themselves inside my head, I hate when things are fighting to get out. They all want to be first, so I get this mess of tangled stuff that I can’t decipher. I’ve not had anything logical to post lately because they’re all jumbled up into a big knot, but some of it has to go! I’ve not bothered my husband with any of this and none of it is major, it is just a million small things piling up. I hope it doesn’t fall on me.

My FF is on for 48, off for 24 then back on for 24. The 24 he is off, he is going on a field trip with the oldest kid when he gets off that morning, which will take up to about 3pm. So out of the next 96 hours, I’ll have about 6 hours to get anything from him I need whether it is help with anything at home (The grass is in need of being mowed also… so Probably knock that down to 4.5 hours I get because we can’t count sleeping hours!) or squeeze in any US time that I need to be reminded I AM a married woman and not a single mom or widow. Figure in house hold things that will NEED attending, bathing kids and putting said kids to bed… my time is dwindling. I will have to enjoy the few minutes I get. Maybe I can carry on an adult conversation, I really don’t want to sound all “Aww, mama gotta go peepee in the potty, I be white back!”. I don’t usually get depressed about the time apart and if I do on occasion, I make a trip to the station! I’m pretty use to long shifts, they just still suck sometimes.

Oh, and about the field trip. Never mind that I am home everyday, usually all day. I didn’t want an invitation to a field trip to the Planetarium with the Science class while Daddy stays home with the little kid. No, it didn’t hurt my feelings that DADDY was invited and I wasn’t. I’m only the one who clothes you, feeds you, helps you with home work, buys you things and argues your points and on your behalf all the frickin’ time. I’m just mom, it’s ok Daddy can go. Little turd. Since they DO need bonding time, that is what makes me feel less left out.

My 6th grade gifted classes kid is failing Math. Report cards come home soon and I’m not sure if her extra credit will be enough to pull her grade up to at least a 70 for a passing grade. She is so ADHD, sloppy, inattentive, huge procrastinator… She is on Concerta but I don’t make her take additional medication after school. Maybe I should on days she had Math homework. I HATE medications, especially behavior altering meds, but she is too smart to have grades like this. I’m not good at teaching, I do not have teaching techniques and I don’t have the patience when I am told “That isn’t how the teacher tells us to do it, I’ll get in trouble!”. Sometimes there are many ways a problem can be solved, it shouldn’t matter how as long as you consistently get the correct answer. I can’t help her, so I’ve asked for the teacher to give me a heads up on what chapters, areas, they will be working on the next 9 weeks so that I can get a jump start on making her some practice for home. I also will probably have to Google to make sure I know how to do it, it’s been a long time. I hope I can help her, she is too smart. I’m trying to motivate her but she has too much of her “father” in her I think. My FF takes care of her like she is his, even though he was only 16 when she was born, I was 20. (Don’t worry, we didn’t meet til he was 20 and I was 24) He was on ADHD medication, and even went through Ritalin when it was still bad, so he knows what it is like but has no sympathy. He still has mild ADHD, I can see it all the time. My mother swears I had it but we didn’t do diagnosis’ like that 30 years ago.

My youngest will be 3 in February. She has a speech delay. She is finally speaking and communicating so much better than just 6 months ago, but there is still a huge gap in her language skills compared to her cousin who is the same age, only two weeks apart. I KNOW YOU CAN’T COMPARE KIDS, I KNOW… but we do that sometimes, right? I’m not worried about cognitive or motor skills, she shows signs of being a very intelligent little kid. She is too smart sometimes, even works my husband’s droid WAY better than I can. But will NOT talk much. She says a lot more than she did, but she will NOT tell me MILK, JUICE, Tea… she won’t say cracker, cookie or snack. She just points, if I guess right she grins and giggles. It is so frustrating sometimes because it is just me, and older sister, who mainly deal with it. And it really ticks me off when people make it a point to mention it, in a “OH, she STILL isn’t talking?” Yes, you ass, she does, she just doesn’t talk to you. Ugh. She has speech therapy twice a week for 30 mins each. She usually doesn’t talk much during therapy. I’m not worried about her, yet I am. It’s so strange and I can’t explain it but my husband has only been here for like 2 sessions. I wish he would stay and let me leave some times. Some days I just don’t want to watch her not talk during a speech therapy session. She has no problem saying NO though, yay me.

I’m planning my sister’s baby shower and my dinning room is filled with decorations and supplies. It’s in the way. I’m so ready for it to come and go so that I can put all my stuff away where it goes. I still have a lot to get done and only two weeks to do it. I’m kind of the go to girl around here for event planning because I can do it on a DIME, i’m cheap and crafty… need I say more? I enjoy it but it is stressful. Please come and go. This is a day I have marked on the calendar that the FF can’t work. He is on KID DUTY this day. I rarely put him on kid duty because I like to spend time together as a whole family but for a shower, I think I can leave him with the kids. Who will be watching who is the question! LOL 🙂

On top of that, we’re doing a Thanksgiving Day Family Reunion for my mother’s parents an their descendants. Super stressful being there have been a string of health related issues with all of the elders of the family, my mother included. My goal was to get EVERYONE, around 50 of us, all together for Thanksgiving because we have NEVER been in the same place at the same time. We were going to take photos and just spend the day eating and enjoying company. Catching up. Meeting new members. But it is possible not everyone will come. I gave everyone almost a YEAR to plan and I feel like some just didn’t give a crap. No blood, but married in. It isn’t fair that my grandparents only wanted one thing, for us all to be together ONCE. I even offered everyone to let me know if they needed somewhere to stay or MONEY/HELP getting here. The far away family is in Texas to Ga and some mid Florida Coasters. I’m kinda of mad that I know not everyone will show up. There are only a few I will allow exceptions because of legal issues and health issues. Everyone else will probably hear from me AFTER the reunion and I’ll let them know they can kiss it. My FF is OFF and has been instructed that he shall remain OFF because no one is calling him in that day. He is my main support so he will be NEEDED this day. Bless him and his support he gives me, NO ONE has ever been there for me like he is. Not even the people who call themselves my best friends. (Notice I said THEY call THEMSELVES, I do not call them that!)

The FF has two projects going on. A boat and a car. Both are going to costs a few hundred bucks, RIGHT HERE BEFORE CHRISTMAS. He better pull some OT, pick up shifts and whatever because I have the commercialize holiday to prepare for. Luckily we don’t have a long list to buy for. BUT, I need my washing machine drain and my kitchen sink drain re-done. I also have a dishwasher from almost 5 years ago that has never been installed. THOSE THINGS WILL BE NEXT IN LINE as soon as his two projects are over. Then I shall start a long overhaul list to be done on the house and the yard. I try to remember he deserves his projects, but if I had a dishwasher, at least that would clear up a big task for me and be one less thing for me to do!!!

My mind is racing so much, I can’t sleep and when I do, I dream about the things inside my mind tornado. I even dream about Facebook. My God brain, just hit hibernate! I never feel like I have enough sleep and feel so tired. I really need to get an exercise routine back up and get some better nutrition going again. Can’t I just clock out for a while?

All I can think about is everything that needs to be done and how much the FF will be gone over the next few weeks. Three days and a few hours away in October, then again in early November. Classes. Courses. Requirements. Yada yada yada, fire life consuming my life. Usual story? Yep. You become accustom to it but that doesn’t mean I like it any more. I’m just use to it. I just don’t take it as hard as I once did.

Boy. I just need to organize my house, my life and my head. Then maybe I can get some relief, even if it is for just one day. Is there a 10 code for out of my mind, be back soon?!