There are many blended families everywhere, and it seems there are quite a few in Fire Families. We fall under this category. I’m not condoning divorce, I think marriage should be a forever type promise, but I also think we cannot condemn it either. Live and learn? I know that sounds hypocritical since I was married to my first daughter’s father for less than three years before I
knew it was all wrong. accepted that it was all wrong like my gut instinct told me before we even married. There really should be an extensive pre-marriage class everyone should have to take. I didn’t know what I was agreeing to. Sadly, I was married and divorced by the age of 23. This left me with a 3 year old, and the only place to go was back “home” to my parents.
My FF is a strict man. He and my oldest butt heads A WHOLE DANG LOT. His mother was, from what I hear, a very strict woman. You done what she said, when she said and how she said. Or else. Her father was a high up in the Marines when he retired after like 30 years, and he was very strict. I loved Grandpa. He would let you know right quick when you needed to take it down a notch. My FF grew up getting his “butt whooped”. That’s how we do things in the South, we spank. I grew up getting it. My parents did. My grandparents did. I hope this doesn’t offend anyone I’m not going to go all crazy with “Spanking isn’t abuse” and all that goody good stuff BUT I will say I had my rear end lit on fire a few times and I think I am a better person because of it. If that butt ain’t red, you didn’t spank hard enough… if its more than pink and bruises… that is abuse! ANYWHO, we do spank in this house. We also restrict, time out, add chores and revoke privileges. This has nothing to do with where I am going with this really, I got side tracked as usual. Point blank, my husband treats my daughter like his own and that means in every way possible.
My now 11 year old does not really remember life living with her “father”, she only remembers we have been a part of my now husband’s life since before she was 5. He is her daddy, and she calls him just that unless she is angry with him, then it’s his first name. It’s funny. He says when they are alone, that she doesn’t act out with him like she does if I am around. I guess it’s the same way that she is mostly not as defiant when he isn’t around.
He loves her, like his own. He defends her, like his own. To him, SHE IS HIS OWN. He might not have helped create her, but he is helping shape her into what we hope will one day be a very respectable adult. Someone with standards and morals. Someone who will not have to make the mistakes in life like we have, to enjoy and appreciate it.
Visitation with her father is supposed to be every other weekend, Father’s Day and all holidays that fall on odd-numbered years. She hasn’t been in three weeks. He hasn’t called in three weeks. In case you’re a parent and think you read that wrong, I will repeat it. HE HASN’T CALLED HER IN THREE WEEKS. I did see on her cell phone that he has sent her two or three texts, the last one being on September 11th, but she is so reckless with her phone I guess she hasn’t seen them. Is it wrong of me that I didn’t point them out? They were just bs “What’s up” or “I love you” texts, but not one single call to see why she hasn’t text him back. Not even a text to ask why she wasn’t texting him back. She doesn’t check her phone regularly but up until three weeks ago when I told her to give him her number and tell him to call HER instead of ME, he would call/text me when it was time to go to his house.
Last summer, he went 6 WEEKS without calling her, texting her, contacting me….. nothing. Then wondered why was she mad at him. DUH, *insert a lot of ugly words that I can’t bring myself to type because I’m really really trying to curb my language!*. My God, HOW CAN ANYONE NOT REMEMBER TO CALL THEIR KID???? I bought the cell phone for her so that she could call me daily when she went to his house. I just like to check in with her to make sure everything is ok and she is doing good and to say good night.
Yet, my husband will ask “Have you heard from her” when she is gone. If even HE thinks about her while she is gone, why is it her own biological father doesn’t? He would bend over backwards for her when it comes down to it. I’m tired of bending over to make sure she doesn’t feel like her father isn’t a POS but she’ll eventually see it all and speak for herself. So I just sit and wait.
None of this really makes sense. I’m still congested with too many thoughts in my head and this just feels like a total waste of time. The FF is on shift, I don’t talk ugly about the ex to my child (that is highly inappropriate if any of you do that because the KID shouldn’t ever have to hear that) and I also don’t bring my family into it… So you reading this just got to read my complaint about deadbeat fathers and wonderful step parents. There are some wonderful fathers who take care of their children, my child just wasn’t blessed with one. She got so much better.
Thank God for blended families. If not for a man willing to take MY child from a previous marriage in as his own, we’d not have a family.
It’s kind of like the Firehouse. I guess I kind of have to accept that they are all my extended family. Some I like, some I can tolerate and some I prefer to only see once a year at the Christmas Dinner. Seems like real life family, because they are real life family because when it comes down to being on a call, they have my FF’s back.