Firefighterwife.com has been posting bits of The Love Dare. 40 days. 40 Dares. 40 opportunities to become closer to your spouse, and God. For those of you unfamiliar with what that is click HERE to go to The Love Dare Book, as featured in the movie Fireproof. It is a great thing to practice in secret, or together.
The movie Fireproof was awesome. Not only because it was filmed in neighboring Albany, Ga, or because it was filmed right in the station, or that it was about firefighter Caleb, or that Kirk Cameron was in the film, or that the scene at the end of the movie where Caleb kisses “his wife” it REALLY was his wife… they had to so some camera trickery but Kirk would only kiss his real life wife, it was a great film… for many reasons. They also have Flywheel, which was their first movie. It’s very low production but the moral of the story is great. Then came Facing the Giants. Fireproof was the third movie from the same people and the last movie that come out was Courageous. The movies just kept getting better and better. Now that I’m done giving directions to movies about the Love God has for each and every one of us, I shall move on.
I haven’t been following along every day and doing every dare, although it hit me today that I should have been. Maybe my week would not have felt so heartbreaking. My FF and I hit a point of a disagreeable opinion to the point of fighting. We rarely fight, although we do argue often for a few minutes. We just don’t fight. When we fight, I have no on to talk to, and even if I did I probably wouldn’t talk it out about him. I’ve had a pretty rough few days. A bunch of shift days. Off days. Dr’s office with kids days. Other kids in the house days. House is filthy days. Something ugly was just in the air. I hate to take the butt of the blame, but I think it may also be PMS related, but even then you cannot place all the blame in one cup. When I read Dare 39, I knew I had to do it. So here it goes. I’ll share this with you all and email him a link to it tomorrow as he is pulling a 24 followed by a 24.
I have spent nearly the last 6 years loving you. I’ve loved you since almost the beginning. You just made it so easy. Even with all of your faults, loving you felt natural. I did not ask you to marry me because I was happy in the now, I asked you to marry me because I wanted to spend the rest of my life trying to prove just that. I asked because I knew that you were what would filled in every crack and scar I had from the past. I asked you because I knew that I could only love you more and more as time went on. All of these have been true. I love to spend time with you, sitting with you, holding hands while watching TV, helping work on a boat or a car, or anything. I can be happy just doing anything as long as it’s with you.
This week has been especially trying and hard. It’s only taken us this long to have a real, true fight. It’s only taken this long for me to stay mad at you for longer than a literal 5 minutes. It’s only taken coming this far for me to know that even when I’m not particularly happy with you, that I still love you. I still love you as much as before the fight and maybe even more after. Being upset with you, or even angry to the point of me not speaking to you, doesn’t mean I do not love you. It means I love you enough not to speak out of anger. It means I would rather reflect on what I feel, to see if my anger is justified, before lashing out with things I may regret once I’ve had a chance to be rational. It means that I love you so much, I would rather suffer in silence for a while than to cause you any hurt with words I didn’t think about.
Together, we are strong, as one but separate we are weak and that was obvious this week. I know that even when we do not agree, because we aren’t going to always agree, that we will still love each other. I pledge my love to you, even when I am angry. Even if I feel that you do no deserve it. When I don’t want to be in the same room with you. When walking away and taking a personal time out is the only thing I can do, I will still love you. When you are angry with me, I will still love you. When you are stressed out and taking it out on the only safe person there is to take it out on, me, I will still love you. When I have driven you crazy and you don’t have anything left to say, I WILL still love you.
Life is so short for me to waste time on petty things. There are people who face unimaginable things everyday, and would be grateful to trade places with either of us. There are things in this life that we are taking for granted, and I don’t want to live that way. We are two opposites that have similarities but I love you to the end of time. I love you so deeply.
I am sorry that I do not communicate better, I will continue to work on this. I will work on us. I will endure it all. Love endures all things, and by all things, that definitely means my hurt feelings. My pride. My anger. My weaknesses. Love will persevere and I will love you endlessly and I promise to love you, always. When I made a commitment till death due us part, death is the only way I even plan on us parting and that was not only a committment to you, but to God as well. I believe that you were made specifically for me, and for that reason I love you. You changed me. You saved me and continue to save me. I promise, with all my heart, to love you every second of every hour of every day that God grants me to be here.