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I was a divorced single mother when I met my now husband.  He was relatively young to be willing to go on a date with someone with a child much too old to be his own.  I had baggage, and it was obvious.  It took a sneaky aunt and two lies to get us to both agree to go on a date together.  She told each of us that it was the other’s idea.   I wasn’t attracted to him and he wasn’t attracted to me, but she seemed to think it was ok to tell us each otherwise.  I don’t condone lying.  This lie however, become something great.  I’m not sure if we would have eventually come together, or if due to the age difference and baggage, we’d always need a push.  I’m just thankful she pushed us.

I had been single for a few years when we went on that first date but that all come to a screeching halt because it didn’t take but one date and we’re were inseparable.  Two weeks went by and a few dates in between and he literally asked me to be his girlfriend.  The first time we kisses was really strange for me, I promised it would become less awkward soon.  As soon as I could relax.  He made it all so easy.  My boyfriend, 4 years 4 months and 1 day younger than me, but had lived a lifetime of having to grow up way too soon.  His mother passed away when he was 16, his brother 15 and his sister, 9.  He kind of grew up really fast.  He had (and has) bouts of being juvenile but I’ve come to learn that even 90-year-old men are juvenile, they never really truly grow up, which is good given it’s at appropriate times.

I had several single friends saying how they wanted a man like mine.  Occasionally someone will say something about wanting a husband like mine.  I’m not sure why.  He is a good man but he isn’t a romantic, he isn’t really storybook sweet and he surely doesn’t know what to say when you’re upset… but he does love me and hold me.  He does take responsibility for himself, his actions. He takes care of a child that isn’t his and the one we have together.  He is mature, even then, for his age usually.  He is a manly man, no frills but perfect for me.   That doesn’t mean he is perfect.  He has a temper, lack of patience and loves $45 Irish Whiskey.  He is an avid meat-eater and would laugh if he run over a squirrel.  He is a man, men aren’t perfect (and neither are ladies!).

The thing women don’t realize is that men do not fall from the sky.   Perfection is often an illusion.  You can not go searching for a husband, that may work for a very small percentage but generally you can’t say I want a husband and find one.  Don’t they all see how the tv show The Bachelor ends up??  Hello!  Love is something that is unexpected.  It happens on its own time and terms.  You can’t love someone you want to, if you don’t and you can’t not love someone who you do.  It’s as awful as it is awesome sometimes throughout life.  I wasn’t looking for it, I had cried my heart out from being lonely a lot in those few years.  I drank myself into a stupor on the weekends my daughter went to her father, makings lots of blurry memories I regret with friends and rednecks.  (For the record, for the sake of my moral character, I can count the number of men I have been intimate with on 3 fingers, two of which I was married to.  Not that I feel the need to explain, I am just proud of this small number even if I wish it were smaller.)  I grew independent and didn’t need a man anymore to be happy.  Then he came along, and I still didn’t recognize he would be the love of my life until I spent time with him without the expectation of anything.   I didn’t know I would love him, yet I did.

I didn’t know by loving him, I would eventually love a firefighter.  I didn’t know I could love the Fire Life, it took a while but I do.  I didn’t know I would find it exciting and interesting,  it also took a while but I do.  I didn’t know it would take him away from me so often and for so long at times, but it does and I’m ok with that.  I’ve learned how to cope and deal.  I can change my own tires, I know what to do when my truck won’t start, if there’s a problem with the well…… I can handle doing it all alone but I didn’t know it would be this way either.  It’s kind of like my first marriage, only I like this husband *chuckle*

Sometimes having a good man means only having a good man a few days a week, a few mins at the time, a moment here and there. It can be lonely, frustrating and infuriating. I could pinch my FFs head of sometimes but he is worth all the bad that comes along with all the good. How many women would give this up because they couldn’t handle the ins and outs? I’d place my bet on most of the ones who tell me “I need a man like yours.”. They think it’s just so easy.