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No news is good news? Right? I know some fire wives like it but I’m not fond of that phrase, and I don’t rely on that to calm me. I don’t usually assume the worse, but there are times that I feel like I should have heard something by now! This feeling could come during a call or just in general. I like to check in during the day… where I am going, what I am doing and when I get back home. Just because if anything were to ever happen, he has a timestamp where I called or sent him a text. I don’t expect him to do the same thing, unless he is traveling pretty far, I like a text to say he made it ok or he is on his way home. Just so that I know everything is ok.

He’s had a pretty bad day. I don’t feel comfortable enough to share HIS day, besides… it isn’t my place. Just know that this class just wasn’t meant for him to take. He didn’t particularly want to go and was hoping he wouldn’t. It really sucks when you know that your firefighter needs some comfort, or at the very least someone to listen to them rant and blow off steam, and you can’t be there. He called me today and I could just tell that he had found himself in that place called the dumps. He rarely gets that way, so when he does I feel awful.

I haven’t heard from him since lunch. I don’t know if his day picked up. I’m not sure if he is still having a rotten day. I just don’t know. I sent him a text asking if he felt better, just to reply with a yes or a no if he was busy, yet I have heard nothing. So, either he is busy or dug under the dumps and now is in a dark hole. That really makes me sick to my stomach not knowing.

The suspense is not good for someone who lacks patience! I feel so alone waiting to hear something from my husband because there is always that one void that only he can fill.

This doesn’t happen to me often. I’m not someone who is easily freaked out by having to rush an “Ok, love ya, BYE!” because he is on shift and the tones drop. I don’t freak out if I’m visiting and he must go. I know that structure or large area fires could take hours and hours and then he wants to cool down and shower. I know all of this, I’m good with all of this, I’m use to all of this.

This feeling of wanting to vomit because I am genuinely concerned about his emotional state more than his physical state is almost more than I can take. 4+ hours is a bit far to drive to check on him, but if he called me right now and asked me to, I would!