Life sometimes gets in a rut. I tried to deny it for as long as possible, but the truth is I am here. I AM HERE…. Yooooooouuuuuuuwhoooooooooo. I’m in a hole that isn’t only a hole, its between a rock and a hard place. When did I get here and how do I get out?!
Being a SAHM for nearly three years now and being a firewife for nearly 4 years now has been a big adjustment. His schedule wasn’t so bad when I worked, somehow it feels worse on me now. I don’t get social interaction. I don’t get much adult interaction. I don’t even have a routine anymore. I have fallen into this thing of waking up and being a slave to a three-foot tall munchkin all day. Maid to a house of people. We just slouch around, a lot. I feel like all I do is clean, yet it’s never done. That is because I procrastinate and it has gotten so bad that I just mailed a cousin her baby gift…. the baby is at least 7 months old. Really? I pay bills late because I put it off til last-minute even though I have the money in the bank, maybe I am trying to hold onto it for as long as possible. I can’t keep up with laundry, dishes or even my own bedroom. I don’t have enough closet space for clothes, much less all my extra junk that just piles up because it doesn’t have a home. It’s unorganized and unruly. Nothing is like I want it or even where it should be. I’ve become a bit slobby even. I have NO where for my crafts… so I struggle with get rid of my favorite expensive crafting things and accessories or keep them even though they are IN THE WAY? Almost like a depression only, I’m pretty happy as long as everyone isn’t trying to kill each other in this house. Attitudes are running wild these days.
When I do deep clean, it just reveals how outdated and ugly this house is. That IS depressing. I hate having company. I mean, I am so sick of wood paneling walls… I am not a squirrel and I do not live in a tree. Boy, the wood panel fad is so out there. I really want to slap some paint on these walls! Before that can happen we have to figure out what floors need replacing. What ceiling needs repairing. What wild and crazy half thought out repairs were made that need correcting. I almost don’t believe how jacked up some of these home repairs by previous owners are. Their motto must have been quick, easy and cheesy! Nothing was done right. Even the two-way light switches are bonkers! I just hate cleaning and noticing all of these things.
Hopefully after the first of the year we will be basically debt free and can start, after 5 years of being here, the remodel process. It needs it. I think it wont be JUST a home remodel, but a life remodel. Get organized. Get out of this funk. This rut that has consumed me. I want out! I’m in the process of buying plastic totes, packing everything in them and stacking them in a corner until we can build some closets. All seasonal things are already in the small storage building outside but I think I just need to let go of some things. Even the kitchen has cluttered cabinets full of things I use once a year…….. should I really keep all of this junk that I love? If/When the dishwasher is finally installed, I’ll lose two drawers and two cabinets because of how wide the washer is and how narrow these old cabinets are. I suppose what doesn’t fit in the bottom of the hutch can be donated. Decisions for the indecisive.
Does anything in your life consume you?
If so, what are you doing about it?