If I woke up in the morning and wasn’t a Fire Wife, what would I be? This question has been on me for a few days now. Ever since the recent Chicago Fire LODD, as I think of his wife and how she must be dealing with the transition from Fire Wife to Fire Widow. My thoughts and prayers are with her. Or just widow, as I picture it in my head.
I’ve been terrified by this question. 1- because if this was to happen to me, do I have to leave all of my fire related life strings and make a new life? and 2- How much of myself is left if you strip Fire away?
Am I a whole person? When did my life become nothing but being a SAHM and a Fire Wife? Am I broken and just shoved all of this Fire Life into the cracks? What happens when it is gone?
In reality, if my husband dies today, I will survive. I will be forever broken, but I always survive and always strive. I know I would eventually find life outside of the public safety field, or at least I would hope so. I’d like to say I’d never re-marry, but I don’t say never. I’d really like to say I’d never marry anyone in public safety again, but truth is… I can’t say never. Maybe it is the uncertainty of what if that frightens me.
As much as I hate Fire, I love it. I can’t imagine not being a part of it, and it a part of me. As much as it robs me of parts of my life with my husband, it also gives me life.
Is there life out there after Fire?