It’s all good, or more times than not I mean it really bites but I don’t want to tell you that.
My husband worked a 48, come home long enough to pack his coolers and hunting gear, then left for a Thursday through Sunday hunting trip. You can’t see it, but I’m smiling ear to ear. Behind that smile I’m cussing this man up one side and back down the other. I literally just spent two days of no adult conversation (Minus my online life, but that just isn’t the same as face to face). The only other adult I have seen would be the 2 year old’s speech therapist, so she isn’t there to talk to me unless she asks a question.
The truth is my husband deserves this hunting trip.
He had never gone hunting, ever.
No one in his family has ever taken, or offered to take him.
He has prepared for two weeks for this, he is a planner.
He works two full-time fire department positions.
That’s 48 on, 24 off with a Kelly day every third Sunday.
It’s rare that he does anything without one of us three girls in the house.
It’s rare he does anything that’s deemed “fun”.
Meanwhile, women aren’t typically granted those same things, even though I feel like we deserve it just as much. We’re holding down the fort. Raising kids. Taking care of the man jobs that pop up around the house on duty days that can’t wait. Most of us tackle a million things whether we are stay at home moms or career women. We do a lot, a lot that no one says thank you for. A lot that goes unnoticed or expected. Yet, the world thinks that women are to never need a break. Men on the other hand are allowed to come and go as they please, have any hobby they please and not have to ask who is going to watch his kids? Goose vs Gander doesn’t seem fair here.
I don’t go into all of this with him.
He deserves it and I don’t want him to feel guilty.
I want him to enjoy himself and be able to relax.
No radio. No tones. No firetruck. No wrecks. No codes.
Nothing but him, nature and a gun to kill whatever moves. >.<
I'll pick a day he is off and let him keep the kids a few hours while I catch a movie or run some errands. It definitely isn't a fair trade by my standards, but a trade that will be greatly appreciated. He doesn't really know how to handle a toddler and a preteen alone. He tries, bless his heart, he tries. It's best if he just doesn't have to for long periods of time, or one on one.
Yesterday was pretty lonely. My mom text me from the hunting camp and said to find a sitter and to come out for the day. Yeah, right? ME find a sitter? That means that I would have to know someone who would keep my kids. Those are few and far between for me, so that really bummed me out. I felt like a single mother, only worse because I wasn't single but was. Crazy, maybe. Loneliness bites. Today was horrible. I didn't sleep. I had a headache when I woke up. I drove to town for a few necessities, only to realize that while picking the little on up to take to the truck, I sat my wallet down in the chair. The same chair where it still had to be, I didn't have it. We went home and decided to clean the porch and yards. I didn't even go in the house! I worked until supper time and realized, I didn't get the necessities and we didn't really have anything for me to cook that wasn't frozen. I forgot completely to take anything out. I get the kids ready to go back to town, made sure I had my wallet and went into town. Half way there the bottom falls out of the sky and it rains. Bought groceries, went out to the truck, loaded the truck and left. I grabbed supper in town, against my best judgement. It wasn't exactly on my list of things I should be eating. Ooops. Now I feel sick. I leave there to go get gas. Where is my debit card? Can. Not. Find. Husband calls from hunting trip. Struggle to not be snappy or take it out on him. STRUGGLE. Finally find card, inside of my sweater pocket? WHY? And head home. Ah, home!
I'm a wimp sometimes. I cry sometimes. I whisper nicely to the kids that they better behave really well sometimes, that scares them. I'm a wimp especially when I'm making dumb mistakes, one right after another, because I've not slept well or feel stressed. Can't I just do one thing right? Make it home without doing something mindless? I do this when I miss my husband but instead of making him worry or feel guilty, I just tell him that it's all good. Because it will be, just as soon as he walks in this door tomorrow and I can feel complete, and he can feel like I'm an awesome wife who never nags.
It's the end of the day.
All the mistakes are tucked away and
it's all good.