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If you’ve ever wondered what a broken heart really looks like, this would be mine.

broken

Shift days can be tough, especially when all you need is a few minutes to gather yourself, but no one is there.  It can be harsh.  Luckily, it isn’t too often that I want to show the fire department my bird finger.  There ARE days though.

The last two weeks have been hard. The husband has been either working, or hunting. 48 hour shifts are sinking in and they suck. Really suck when you add all weekend hunting after a week of 48s. All but two or three days out the last two weeks he has been gone, no exaggeration. That leaves mama with every thing under the sun!

My lovely plate that was older than my oldest child was broken last week. I have a thing for lighthouses, this was a rather large 14+ inch plate that I have had in my bathroom. After a really bad day, I was cleaning and tried to catch an old ugly picture and inadvertently knocked my plate off its stand. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t cry. I’d also be lying if I said that I cleaned it up right away. I let it sit there for two days before I found it in me to pick it up. Don’t worry, it wasn’t the type of plate that was sharp. It was actually kind of chalky, crumbling around the edges.

That was hard for me. Once again I only told the husband that It’s all good. To keep from making him feel guilty for being on a four-day hunting trip.

I let myself have that. The oldest had missed the bus that day. The smallest had been a pain, so stubborn and a few fist clinching terrible two tantrums. I let myself have that day to wallow in the mess life was. Even in the mess, there are things to be grateful for.

The next day I chose happy.

Happy is a choice. Love, is a choice. Stop shaking your head, there are many things that are choices that we claim are not. I’ll save those for another time. For now, I’m practicing being happy. A very sweet lady posted the below on Facebook. It’s so wonderful because I have realized that happiness is only a choice. A very hard choice some days, but a choice.

positive

I hope this finds you in a happy place. It’s so much easier to just pity yourself, it takes strength to look at the chaos and say it doesn’t matter! I have learned that I can just cry, and get over it. If you just fixate on the bad, everything will seem bad. Just choose happy.

Happy. I’m happy. Are your choices allowing you to be happy, or are they dragging you (and possibly others) down?

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