Do you have support? Not just from friends and family, but from people who truly understand what your life is like?
I love my marriage. It is not perfect, there are days I wish I could wrap my hands around his neck until his head pops right off, but I’m pretty sure he could do the same to me some days. Marriage is a continuing work in progress. Always changing, growing and maturing. The best thing is to make sure you’re both going in the same direction. We communicate pretty well. If there are things I cannot say, I will write him a letter. There have been several seriously strong conversations that were dealt with as mature, loving adults.
I see people in the fire service struggling to make it jive. It is nice to find support that encourages you to be productive in your marriage, not only when things are bad, but always. It’s nice to see women encourage other women to try to better their marriage, even when the husband is seemingly a large, selfish Neanderthal. Sometimes it takes one trying, to spark the other. To create a fire, if you will. If both husband and wife are being jerks, it’s going no where but down. Fast.
How many marriages in the fire service have to die? Fireproof your marriage!
If you are struggling in your marriage, your friends and family need to be more concerned with what YOU want. They should tell you they support you, no matter your choice. Sometimes you find yourself being pepped up to do something that isn’t even your idea. Marriage isn’t dating, you can’t just back out because you don’t like how it is going. You don’t just break up. I hate to see people encouraging divorce.
I’ve been through divorce. While it was absolutely 100% what I wanted, it was the worst thing I have ever had to put myself through. I knew when saying I do, I really wanted to scream I DON’T……. but for the good of what the people wanted, I married anyway. When I got divorced, it was my decision. I didn’t ask anyone for advice, I didn’t want anyone to tell me what to do, I wanted to undo something that I should have never done.
Please don’t be an advocate for divorce. People make mistakes. I’m not saying stay with a man/woman who is abusing you, putting your children in danger, possessing and controlling you… I am saying that if you loved someone at one time, you should try before calling it quits. If someone has an affair, that is so hard to work through, but people do it. It breaks my heart to put myself in that situation, and I’m not sure how I would cope but I do know that no one is perfect. We all falter. We all do things that we wish we could take back whether it is an action, word or just a thought.
The fire service faces a high enough divorce rate and I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make sure that my marriage is as strong as I want it to be. I want to keep it alive. Keep it breathing. Keep it from burning to the ground because we were too comfortable and lazy to work at it. I won’t give up on us. I never want to find myself in a situation that I feel like my husband has ruined my trust, but I hope if I ever do, I can find it in myself to give my marriage a fighting chance. Marriage is about forgiving, compromise and selflessness sometimes. It doesn’t always feel fair, but it is important.
I know I mention Firefighterwife.com a lot, but they are basically my only support from this crazy life of being a fireman’s wife. There are no family or friends that can really understand. If you’re a fireman’s wife or girlfriend, I highly recommend them. If you are not, search for a group specifically related to an area of life that you need support. Something that betters you, that in turn betters your marriage. No matter how good a marriage is, it is great to constantly work to make it better.
Support is something that makes a big difference for me. Do you have support?