Since my last post, things have kind of settled into something a bit calmer. Maybe it’s the book I’m reading or maybe there was a hormone increase in the kid that has sense leveled out. Either way… I don’t look forward to the next cycle of events, because it’s coming. My daughter is a good kid, with a huge heart and usually makes good decisions. Her friend choices are usually to my liking and I don’t try to sway her in any way besides asking her what kind of person she wants to call friend. As much as I’d like to help her avoid mistakes, I know I can’t, try as I may. I know behind that hateful mouth is a growing girl who doesn’t know what to do with all this crazy going on in her body. I know she has my heart and it’s going to be broken, a lot. Friends and the company you keep can cause most of this, or prevent it…………. That depends.
This spills over to adult life.
More so than I had ever really imagined as a kid or young adult. I’d say early 20’s were the easiest for me when thinking about friendships and just life in general. Now, in my early 30’s, it seems that the older people get… the more they seem to indulge in bad behavior.
What type of people to you surround yourselves with? Are they lifting you up, or dragging you down? It’s important that you center yourself on people who reflect the kind of person you want to be. I’m not saying that you can’t love family members who are less than what you want to be or that you can’t be friends (I use that word loosely here) with someone who behaves in ways that you wouldn’t want to. I mean love everyone but don’t let the toxic play an important role in your life.
Friendship in my adult life has been the hardest. I’ve kind of grown in the last year or two and am more of an asker. If I have a thought or question about something that isn’t obvious, I ask. If I hear something that I don’t know for sure whether it is fact or fiction, I ask. If I want to know something, I ASK. It seems to me that a lot of adults aren’t this way. They believe anything they hear or read. They are eager to repeat it. No one asks a source if it’s true. They just roll with it, spreading it and enjoying it. Who enjoys conflict? Sweet Brown know she had it right when she said, “AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!”. (I love Sweet Brown…so… here you go…)
Back to what ain’t no body got time for… Being a woman trying to be a part of ANY group of other women can be hard, tricky and even toxic. I’ve had my feelings hurt more than once in the last two years but I refuse to let that make me build up walls. I’m an open and honest person, if you want to know something… ask me. I’ll tell you. Sometimes I might even tell you without being asked if I think it needs to be said. I’m not going to stop letting people come into my life but I surely know where the door is if they become toxic.
No one has to be the “Bunnies and Butterflies” person all the time, although it is fun to be positive and happy while sharing joy with the world, sure. Sometimes we need that break and let the clouds roll in, the sky grow dark and a storm pass through our lives. It is ok. It is ok to feel weak. It is ok to cry. It is ok to wallow in self-pity………… but PICK yourself up after and SMILE because you are stronger than you think. If the people around you aren’t lifting you up, move along. If they aren’t supporting you, move on. If they aren’t telling you what needs to be said (BTW, sometimes these things hurt but when supportive people tell you things that hurt, it is out of love… try to remember that) if it isn’t, MOVE ALONG.
My life isn’t really toxic much anymore but I guess that could change any time. I try to love people, even if I have to love them right where they are in life. There are some lingering issues in the gene pool side but I try to but the fun in dysfunctional when it comes to family.
Moral of my post today? (PS. This could be SO true in the Fire Department too… Men, I know some of you can be worse than a bunch of old women on a porch….. I’ve worked with a lot of gossipy men! Don’t be that man 😉 )
Love those who love, even when they love you enough to tell you the hurtful truth about something that isn’t letting you be the best you. Zip your lips if it isn’t YOUR problem. Don’t let people make you be someone you aren’t, no one WANTS to be a bad person. The bandwagon isn’t a fun place to be, it’s ok not to enjoy doing everything your friends do. Don’t take part of something you don’t know to be fact, rumor mills are often run on a speck of truth and covered with lies. You can be friends with people that you don’t agree with on Religion, sexual preference, relationship status, hobby, life interest………….. you don’t have to be the same!
So, in short,the lesson is:
LOVE, be loved and kick anything not love out.